This is my finished poem, please rate 1-100! And elaborate, the more details the better. Much appreciated…..

“The Earthquake Maker”

All in a sudden come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions causing explosion
Inventing fear off from concrete devotion
With steadfast tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
And trembles settle, but realizes too late
He’s the earthquake maker, dealt unlucky fate

Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a dried up sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy in an empty food dish
You’re eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet stain, devotion, disgust, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, empty food dish, explosion, fate, fear, last memory, lying on the floor, mom, pissed, puppy, tremor

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