“Unlucky”

All of a sudden he knows he’s hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption he’s so afraid of
Spun from a hate he was supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside his mind
As the panic shakes his conscious blind
And as the trembles settle realizes too late
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

He lay on the floor surrounded in blood
A moment after a blasting thud
The dizziness drowning out the noisy shrieks
Nothing but the sound of his breath and floor creaks
Lazily twitching like a thirsty fish hexed
Frantic of what will happen next
Shark bait at the age of eight
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

Technorati Tags: bricks, dizziness, earthquake, fate, floor creaks, pissed, shark bait, shrieks, thirsty fish, thud, tremor

“Unlucky”

All of a sudden he knows he’s hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption he’s so afraid of
Spun from a hate he was supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside his mind
As the panic shakes his conscious blind
And as the trembles settle realizes too late
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

He lay on the floor surrounded in blood
A moment after a blasting thud
The dizziness drowning out the noisy shrieks
Nothing but the sound of his breath and floor creaks
Lazily twitching like a thirsty fish hexed
Frantic of what will happen next
Shark bait at the age of eight
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

Technorati Tags: bricks, dizziness, earthquake, fate, floor creaks, pissed, shark bait, shrieks, thirsty fish, thud, tremor

“Unlucky”

All of a sudden you know you’re hit
With a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The earthquake you’re so afraid of
Spun from something you were supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside your mind
Stirring and shaking your brain blind
Only after the trembles settle you realize too late
You’re the earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

You lie on the floor surrounded in blood
Two seconds after the sound of a thud
Your dizziness drowning out her noisy shrieks
Only the sound of your breath and the floor creaks
Moments pass and nothing happens
She comes up behind him and gives him some napkins
It’s just another day in this boy’s world of hate
He’s the earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

Any criticism or thoughts on changes are appreciated

PS: This is thinkbox08 and I’ve obviously changed the way I went with this.

Technorati Tags: brain, bricks, dizziness, earthquake, fate, floor creaks, napkins, pissed, shrieks, thud, tremor

Please rate this poem 1-100 as harsh as possible and give the most detailed criticism, thanks so much!?
“Son of a Witch”

All in a haste come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions cause explosion
Inventing fear from concrete devotion
With constant tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
As the trembles settle, realizes too late
He’s the earthquake maker, dealt unlucky fate

Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a thirsty sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy near a vacant dish
He’s eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory
Also guess how old I am.

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet stain, devotion, disgust, dish, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, explosion, fate, haste, last memory, lying on the floor, mom, pissed, poem 1, puppy, son of a witch, sunfish, tremor

“The Earthquake Maker”

All in a sudden come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions causing explosion
Inventing fear off from concrete devotion
With steadfast tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
And trembles settle, but realizes too late
He’s the earthquake maker, dealt unlucky fate

Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a dried up sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy in an empty food dish
You’re eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet stain, devotion, disgust, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, empty food dish, explosion, fate, fear, last memory, lying on the floor, mom, pissed, puppy, tremor

“Unlucky”

All of a sudden he knows he’s hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption he’s so afraid of
Spun from a hate he was supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside his mind
As the panic shakes his conscious blind
And as the trembles settle realizes too late
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

He lay on the floor surrounded in blood
A moment after a blasting thud
The dizziness drowning out the noisy shrieks
Nothing but the sound of his breath and floor creaks
Lazily twitching like a thirsty fish hexed
Frantic of what will happen next
Shark bait at the age of eight
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

Technorati Tags: bricks, dizziness, earthquake, fate, floor creaks, pissed, shark bait, shrieks, thirsty fish, thud, tremor

“Unlucky”

All of a sudden you know you’re hit
With a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The earthquake you’re so afraid of
Spun from something you were supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside your mind
Stirring and shaking your brain blind
Only after the trembles settle you realize too late
You’re the earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

You lie on the floor surrounded in blood
Two seconds after the sound of a thud
Your dizziness drowning out her noisy shrieks
Only the sound of your breath and the floor creaks
Moments pass and nothing happens
She comes up behind him and gives him some napkins
It’s just another day in this boy’s world of hate
He’s the earthquake maker with an unlucky fate
Any criticism or thoughts on changes are appreciated
PS: This is thinkbox08 and I’ve obviously changed the way I went with this.

Technorati Tags: brain, bricks, dizziness, earthquake, fate, floor creaks, napkins, pissed, shrieks, thud, tremor

“The Earthquake Magnet”

All of a sudden you know you’re hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption you’re so afraid of
Spins in a hate you were supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside your head
As the panic shakes your conscious dead
And after the trembles settle you realize too late
You’re an earthquake magnet dealt unlucky fate

Laying on the floor in your own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowns out the noisy shrieks
Now nothing but the smell of your own stench reeks
Lazily twitching like a dried up sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy in an empty food dish
You’re eight years old and mom’s enemy
A carpet stain her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet, disgust, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, empty food dish, fate, last memory, magnet, mom, pissed, puppy, shrieks, stench, tremor

“The Earthquake Magnet”

All of a sudden you know you’re hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption you’re so afraid of
Spins in a hate you were supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside your head
As the panic shakes your conscious dead
And after the trembles settle you realize too late
You’re an earthquake magnet dealt unlucky fate

Laying on the floor in your own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowns out the noisy shrieks
Now nothing but the smell of your own stench reeks
Lazily twitching like a dried up sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy in an empty food dish
You’re eight years old and mom’s enemy
A carpet stain her last memory

-thinkbox08
Still not completely done so give your advice for improvement thanks!

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet, disgust, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, empty food dish, fate, last memory, magnet, mom, pissed, puppy, shrieks, stench, tremor

“Son of a Witch”

All in a haste come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions cause explosion
Inventing fear from concrete devotion
With constant tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
As the trembles settle, realizes too late
He’s the earthquake maker, dealt unlucky fate

Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a thirsty sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy near a vacant dish
He’s eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet stain, devotion, disgust, dish, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, explosion, fate, fear, haste, last memory, lying on the floor, mom, pissed, puppy, son of a witch, sunfish, tremor

“Unlucky”

All of a sudden he knows he’s hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption he’s so afraid of
Spun from a hate he was supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside his mind
As the panic shakes his conscious blind
And as the trembles settle realizes too late
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

He lay on the floor surrounded in blood
A moment after a blasting thud
The dizziness drowning out the noisy shrieks
Nothing but the sound of his breath and floor creaks
Lazily twitching like a thirsty fish hexed
Frantic of what will happen next
Shark bait at the age of eight
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate

Technorati Tags: bricks, dizziness, earthquake, fate, floor creaks, pissed, shark bait, shrieks, thirsty fish, thud, tremor

“Son of a Witch”

All in a haste come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions cause explosion
Inventing fear from concrete devotion
With constant tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
As the trembles settle, realizes too late
He’s the earthquake maker, dealt unlucky fate

Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a thirsty sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy near a vacant dish
He’s eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet stain, devotion, disgust, dish, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, explosion, fate, fear, haste, last memory, lying on the floor, mom, pissed, puppy, son of a witch, sunfish, tremor

“Son of a Witch”

All in a haste come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions causing explosion
Inventing fear from concrete devotion
With constant tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
As the trembles settle, realizes too late
He’s the earthquake maker, dealt unlucky fate

Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a thirsty sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy near an empty dish
He’s eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet stain, devotion, disgust, dish, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, explosion, fate, fear, haste, last memory, lying on the floor, mom, pissed, puppy, son of a witch, sunfish, tremor

“The Earthquake Magnet”

All of a sudden you know you’re hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption you’re so afraid of
Spins in a hate you were supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside your head
As the panic shakes your conscious dead
And after the trembles settle you realize too late
You’re an earthquake magnet dealt unlucky fate

Laying on the floor in your own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowns out the noisy shrieks
Now nothing but the smell of your own stench reeks
Lazily twitching like a dried up sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy in an empty food dish
You’re eight years old and mom’s enemy
A carpet stain her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet, disgust, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, empty food dish, fate, last memory, magnet, mom, pissed, puppy, shrieks, stench, tremor

“The Earthquake Maker”

All in a sudden come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions causing explosion
Inventing fear off from concrete devotion
With steadfast tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
After trembles settle he realizes too late
An earthquake maker dealt unlucky fate

Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a dried up sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy in an empty food dish
You’re eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory
probably over your heads, lol.

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet stain, devotion, disgust, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, empty food dish, explosion, fate, fear, last memory, lying on the floor, mom, pissed, puppy, tremor

“The Earthquake Magnet”

All of a sudden you know you’re hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption you’re so afraid of
Spins in a hate you were supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside your head
As the panic shakes your conscious dead
And after the trembles settle you realize too late
You’re an earthquake magnet dealt unlucky fate

Laying on the floor in your own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowns out the noisy shrieks
Now nothing but the smell of your own stench reeks
Lazily twitching like a dried up sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy in an empty food dish
You’re eight years old and mom’s enemy
A carpet stain her last memory

Technorati Tags: bricks, carpet, disgust, dizziness, earthquake, eight years old, empty food dish, fate, last memory, magnet, mom, pissed, puppy, shrieks, stench, tremor

Maybe then we won’t have so many libs deciding the fate in presidential elections by voting for the traitorous candidate.
Many people are like…wow that’s a terrible thing to say….the only thing terrible is that the people who live there vote for candidates that support abortion, etc…

Technorati Tags: fate, presidential elections, support abortion, terrible thing