Please rate this poem 1-100 as harsh as possible and give the most detailed criticism, thanks so much!?
Please rate this poem 1-100 as harsh as possible and give the most detailed criticism, thanks so much!?
“Son of a Witch”
All in a haste come a flurry of hits
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The expected eruptions cause explosion
Inventing fear from concrete devotion
With constant tremor inside his head
His panic stirs his conscious dead
As the trembles settle, realizes too late
He’s the earthquake maker, dealt unlucky fate
Lying on the floor in his own disgust
A moment after a clashing thrust
The dizziness drowning out her full intent
There’s nothing left but the smell of resent
Lazily twitching like a thirsty sunfish
Hopeless like a puppy near a vacant dish
He’s eight years old and mom’s enemy
The carpet stain was her last memory
Also guess how old I am.
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3 comments
SodaLicious on December 4, 2009 at 8:59 am
Is 1 on the low end of the rating scale or the high end? And for the "guess my age", I take it that is on the 1 – 100 scale also? Son of a Witch is angry with his mother, isn’t he? I see abuse and death-imagery, and an inability to get past being eight years old.
Homeboy 4rom da block on December 4, 2009 at 8:59 am
Your flow is good, but ti is hard to understand whaT meaning you are trying to articulate. 50/100
touche, darling. on December 4, 2009 at 8:59 am
It’s not very good. There’s no message you’re trying to convey. It’s whiney poetry. Sorry. Unscoreable. =)