Please rate my poem 1-100 and give interpretations and reasoning for rating. Thanks so much in advance!?
Dec 08, 2009
in
Earthquake Questions
“Unlucky”
All of a sudden he knows he’s hit
Like a pile of falling pissed off bricks
The inevitable eruption he’s so afraid of
Spun from a hate he was supposed to love
That steadfast tremor inside his mind
As the panic shakes his conscious blind
And as the trembles settle realizes too late
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate
He lay on the floor surrounded in blood
A moment after a blasting thud
The dizziness drowning out the noisy shrieks
Nothing but the sound of his breath and floor creaks
Lazily twitching like a thirsty fish hexed
Frantic of what will happen next
Shark bait at the age of eight
He’s an earthquake maker with an unlucky fate
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4 comments
felixthecat on December 8, 2009 at 6:37 am
I think it’s excellent; probably in the 85 range on a scale of 1-100. The only reason I’m rating it that low is that I personally don’t like ‘dark’ poetry and this is for sure, very dark. I prefer romantic, melodic and positive and optimistic stuff since I have a tendency to feel depression (I guess I try to stay away from anything with a dark, moody tone). Still, this is awesome and not amateur in its use of words. The images you create are unbelievable and extremely creative. I just hope that’s not your feeling about life in general — you make Edgar Allen Poe seem like an optimist!
netra on December 8, 2009 at 6:37 am
30 i kind of scared me but it was good
cop350zx on December 8, 2009 at 6:37 am
It sounds as if an 8 year old was shot (blasting thud) by a family member or gang buddy (the hate he was supposed to love).
Jesus made an earthquake when he died (any symbolism here?)
That is really all I can make out on my own, with no training in poem interpretation.
I’ll give it an 86
Sallad on December 8, 2009 at 6:37 am
49- Way too short! But very interesting!